TW (trigger warning): suicidal thoughts, substance abuse
This article tells Daniel’s story and his journey to a peaceful life following his experience with traumatic events and being diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder.
“As a little kid you want to do something when you grow up and you start looking around for role models. Your first intuition is to observe your parents, because they gave birth to you, they raise you, they educate you. For me it was a bit different. I can’t say that I was a model child, but I didn’t have any role models either. My parents were very loving to me when I was growing up, but at the same time I was beaten every time they thought I was wrong.”
Daniel’s story begins at the age of 5, when his grandfather passed away in a devastating way. Of the many risk factors for psychiatric disorders, the loss of a loved one at a young age plays an important role in the development of depression and bipolar disorder in adult life, as it did in Daniel’s case. He also makes a very relevant point – when a person goes through such an emotionally high-impact event, many of their memories of the event remain vague, or almost non-existent.
“Now, after many years, I manage to find a few spare minutes, 2-3 times a year, when wherever I am, I stop, close my eyes and tell my grandfather what I’ve done since the last time we spoke and somehow it comforts me knowing that somehow, somewhere, he is there for me.”
The lack of stable support in childhood, family arguments and abuse, estrangement from parents, toxic relationships, and a precarious financial situation continued to make his life difficult and cause further trauma. Following a break-up, he decided to move back home with his parents, a decision he considers “the biggest mistake of my life”. Vices became his primary defence mechanism – which Daniel would later address through therapy and psychiatric medication.
“Living in the same house for 4 years, the arguments were daily, the contradictory discussions, the screaming, the shouting, the nervous breakdowns, until I closed myself off and stopped talking to anyone. I would go to work, come home, eat, not talk to them, go and have a shower and go to bed. A constant monotony, a continuous sadness, suicidal thoughts. Days lost crying and sinking so deep that I lost my driving licence because of drug problems.”
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However, the turning point that caused Daniel’s most severe episode came as a result of a dark period he went through in one of his romantic relationships. The breaking of a strong emotional bond pushed him into loneliness, negative thoughts, and detachment from society, eventually waking up in a hospital bed.
“That was the moment I said to myself: I don’t want to give energy and time to people who haven’t been there for me for half my life. I can’t try to offer something positive to toxic people anymore. I asked a psychotherapist for help and since then my life has changed 180 degrees.”
Reaching the end of his tether, Daniel discovered that professional support is the primary solution for such problems. However, this awareness is only the first step in a treatment process that can often be long and convoluted. When it comes to mental health issues, there is no one-size-fits-all or instant solution – each individual comes with their own collection of needs and expectations. To find a psychotherapist right for him, Daniel tells us he had to go through three others. Although this process of “trial and error” can be frustrating, Daniel’s story reminds us that perseverance pays off in the end, being a vital part of accessing the help that saved him.
Receiving a diagnosis, both for him and for many others, means confirmation that you are not the one to blame. Long after his last bipolar episode, Daniel can reflect on his journey with psychological and medicinal treatments. He strongly encourages people to be open to trying them, and not to be scared by the idea of a diagnosis, because there is a real possibility that these steps can help them, as was the case for him.
“I was in treatment for these mental illnesses for 7 months and I recently stopped taking pills because I felt it was the moment I could manage without them. I continue to have psychotherapy sessions to keep myself on an even keel.”
Over time, Daniel has therefore learned to make friends with his disorders. He learned how important it is to be empathetic with those around him when it comes to their mental health. He says that, in his situation, it helped him enormously to keep his time occupied, to find activities that keep him away from upsetting thoughts and the excessive and useless over-analysis of problems. By investing time and energy in his passions and in trying to help other people facing similar problems in turn, Daniel managed to break away from the dark periods of his life and enjoy what is to come.
To show that the negative impact of loneliness, lack of understanding, and lack of help can cause real damage to the human psyche, but also to prove that there will always be a solution for all of this, Daniel decided to tell his story, encouraging as many people as possible to ask for help when things become far too difficult to control.
“All I want to say is that, after 27 years in which I’ve lived the equivalent of two lifetimes, the moment you stop giving your psyche what it needs is the moment you are no longer human. It’s the moment you let negativity take control over you, that’s when depression, panic attacks, and anxiety intervene.
We must clean up our lives and try to get rid of what negativity and toxicity mean, surround ourselves with people who are good for us, go out and discover the world, evolve, observe, read more, do things for ourselves. Because at the end of the day, it’s still us with our thoughts when we get into bed, and if in those moments we are not at peace or fulfilled, it means we still have work to do.”
Illustration by Mental Health for Romania, adapted from Lindsay Braman
Through his optimistic message, Daniel proves to us that specialised help and cultivating a positive perspective can play a huge role in overcoming a mental health impasse.
However, it is important to mention that this process of self-discovery and recovery is a complex one, which does not follow the same path or pace for every person suffering from a mental disorder. And, in most cases, it is not a linear process – it involves an alternation between difficult states and moments of satisfaction, between periods of progress and relapse, between hope and, occasionally, frustration. The “negative” parts cannot be excised all at once, being an inevitable part not only of the treatment process but of any person’s life – even those who have never faced an actual disorder!
Daniel’s story teaches us to have compassion for ourselves and not to rush our own “healing” journey, because a bad day doesn’t mean we aren’t on the right track and a mismatch with a therapist or a certain medication doesn’t mean there aren’t other options for us. And with patience and a little trust – both in ourselves and in the process – we can reach the balance that works for us.
For more details on how bipolar disorder manifests and is treated, see our factsheet.
