TW (trigger warning): suicidal thoughts, substance abuse
This article tells Daniel’s story and his journey to a peaceful life following his experience with traumatic events and being diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder.
“As a little kid you want to do something when you grow up and you start looking around for role models. Your first intuition is to observe your parents, because they gave birth to you, they raise you, they educate you. For me it was a bit different. I can’t say that I was a model child, but I didn’t have any role models either. My parents were very loving to me when I was growing up, but at the same time I was beaten every time they thought I was wrong.”
Daniel’s story begins at the age of 5, when his grandfather passed away in a devastating way. Of the many risk factors for psychiatric disorders, the loss of a loved one at a young age plays an important role in the development of depression and bipolar disorder in adult life, as it did in Daniel’s case. He also makes a very relevant point – when a person goes through such an emotionally high-impact event, many of their memories of the event remain vague, or almost non-existent.
“Now, after many years, I manage to find a few spare minutes, 2-3 times a year, when wherever I am, I stop, close my eyes and tell my grandfather what I’ve done since the last time we spoke and somehow it comforts me knowing that somehow, somewhere, he is there for me.”
The lack of stable support as a child, family fights and abuse, estrangement from his parents, toxic relationships and poor financial situation continued to make his life difficult, and caused him further trauma. Following a breakup, he decided to move back home with his parents, a decision he calls “the biggest mistake of my life”. Vices became his main defense mechanism – which Daniel would later address through therapy and psychiatric drug treatment.
“Living in the same house for 4 years, there were daily fights, contradictory discussions, yelling, screaming, nervous breakdowns, until I closed myself off and didn’t talk to anyone. I’d go to work, come home, eat, don’t talk to them, go to work, take a shower and go to bed. Constant monotony, constant sadness, thoughts of suicide. Days wasted crying and digging myself in so deep that I lost my driving license because of drug problems.”
But the turning point that caused Daniel’s worst episode came as a result of a dark period in one of his romantic relationships. The breaking of a strong emotional bond drove him into loneliness, negative thoughts and detachment from society, eventually ending up in a hospital bed.
“That was the moment when I said to myself: I don’t want to give my energy and time to people who haven’t been with me half my life. I can no longer try to offer something positive to toxic people. I sought help from a psychotherapist and since then my life has changed 180 degrees.”
At the end of his rope, Daniel discovered that professional support is the main solution to such problems. But this awareness is only the first step in a treatment process that can often be long and winding. When it comes to mental health problems, there is no one-size-fits-all or instant-help solution – each individual comes with their own collection of needs and expectations. To find the right psychotherapist for him, Daniel says he had to go through three others. Although this trial and error process can be frustrating, Daniel’s story reminds us that perseverance pays off in the end and was a vital part of accessing the help that saved him.
Receiving a diagnosis, for him and many others, is confirmation that you are not to blame. Long after his last bipolar episode, Daniel can reflect on his journey with psychological and medication treatments. He strongly encourages people to be open to trying them, and not to be frightened by the idea of a diagnosis, because there is a real possibility that these steps can help them, as they did in his case.
“I have been in treatment for 7 months now for these mental illnesses and I recently stopped taking the pills because I felt it was the time when I could do without them. I continue to have psychotherapy sessions to keep myself afloat. “
Over time, Daniel learned to befriend his mental issues. He has learned how important it is to be empathetic to those around him when it comes to their mental health. He says that, in his situation, it has helped him enormously to keep his time busy, to find activities that keep him away from upsetting thoughts and over-analyzing problems. By investing time and energy in his passions and trying to help other people facing similar problems, Daniel has managed to break free from the dark times in his life, and look forward to what lies ahead.
In order to show that the negative impact of loneliness, lack of understanding and help can cause real damage to the human psyche, but also to prove that there will always be a solution to all of this, Daniel decided to tell his story, encouraging as many people as possible to ask for help when things get too much to handle.
“All I’m saying is that, after 27 years of living two human lives put together, the moment you stop giving the psyche what it needs, that’s the moment you’re no longer human. That’s when you let negativity take control of you, and that’s when depression, panic attacks, anxiety kick in.
We need to clean up our lives and try to get rid of negativity, toxicity, surround ourselves with people who are good for us, go out and discover the world, evolve, observe, read more, do things for ourselves. Because at the end of the day, we are still left with our thoughts when we go to bed, and if we are not at peace or fulfilled at those moments, it means that we still have work to do.”
Through his optimistic message, Daniel proves that specialized help and cultivating a positive outlook can play a huge role in overcoming a mental health impasse.
However, it is important to note that this process of self-discovery and recovery is a complex one, which does not follow the same path or pace for every person suffering from a mental disorder. And, in most cases, it is not a linear process – it involves alternating between difficult times and moments of satisfaction, between periods of progress and relapse, between hope and occasional frustration. The ‘negative’ parts can’t be excised all at once, as they are an inevitable part not only of the treatment process, but also of everyone’s life – even those who have never experienced a disorder themselves!
Daniel’s story teaches us to be compassionate with ourselves and not to rush our own “healing” journey, because a bad day does not mean we are not on the right track and a mismatch with a therapist or a particular medication does not mean there are no other options for us. And with patience and a little trust – both in ourselves and in the process – we can find the balance that works for us.
For more details on how bipolar disorder manifests and is treated, see our factsheet.
