As I write this, it is the 33rd day since Russia declared war on Ukraine. Neutrality talks are in a new round in Istanbul. The prognosis does not look good for the two warring countries or for the rest of the world. These are trying times, which have brought to the surface many latent conflicts and raised questions about our own security, because no one has prepared us for them. The events seem straight out of the history books: first the COVID-19 pandemic robbed us of normality for more than two years, and then the war came last.
The upheaval of normality and reinvention in a time of uncertainty prompted me to ask three high school students how they felt the impact of the war. Following discussions with them, we have developed a guide for emotional behavior in uncertain situations, drawing on the expertise of Prof. Lect. Dr. Anișoara Pavelea from Babeș-Bolyai University, Cluj-Napoca.
The first high school student confessed: “I feel embarrassed that I can’t go to help refugees because I have to stay at home, finish my homework for tutoring, or because I can’t afford to be absent from school. It’s embarrassing and frustrating and I feel powerless. Sometimes I’m in a trance watching clips that don’t make the news, and are uncensored. The negative effect that mass information can have is incomparable to the disaster caused by the war in Ukraine, but it can still affect us all. It can desensitize you and over time you can become indifferent.”
The second one told us: “Given the current situations, each had a different influence on me and made me notice things. On the one hand negative things have happened to me and on the other hand I have evolved as a person. The pandemic came with good and bad. I had the opportunity to spend more time with my family and focus more on the things I enjoy, but I ended up not wanting to communicate with friends as much, shutting myself off and developed an eating disorder. And the war situation, which unfortunately is happening at the moment, made me realize how fragile life is and made me believe that I can help at least a little bit, either by volunteering or by donating.”
And the last one highlighted: “Although I am not in Ukraine, I have to admit that I felt a closeness, a danger, a sense of unease at the thought that the whole of humanity could be in danger at any moment. In the early days of the war, I often watched the news and was shaken by each new piece of news: a new house bombed, hundreds more innocent dead, families torn apart… After hearing about the nuclear threats, I became more anxious, as if tomorrow was no longer certain. It seems quieter around here now, but I feel a bit guilty because we are getting on with our lives while people across the border are living this nightmare.”
After seeing their perspectives and anxieties, I realized that things seemed to change in a split second, so suddenly that we didn’t have the chance to give ourselves a little bit of time to see beyond the wall of “Am I really okay?”. The new events hit us when we were at our most vulnerable and prompted us to ask ourselves many questions: “How am I supposed to feel in this context?”, “How can I act or help those in need?”, “How can I cope with feelings of insecurity and uncertainty?” or “How can I be kinder to myself and those around me at this time?”.
I tried to answer these questions with the help of Professor Pavelea’s experience. The thread of the discussion started with the war that shook not only the European continent but the whole world. Prof. Pavelea recalled that the military operation in Ukraine has been intensively publicized by the mass media over the past month. This context, coupled with the negative psychological effects of the pandemic, has heightened a wide range of emotions in each of us: fear, anger, confusion, anxiety, sadness. Witnessing these extreme actions, it is only natural that we are faced with multiple sources of concern about our future, our safety and the safety of our loved ones, our financial stability and our health. Uncertainty and perceived lack of control are also heightened. So we stop concentrating, become anxious, feel exhausted, emotionally drained, blame or compare ourselves with others, experience changes in appetite or sleep problems. While we do not yet know the outcome of the events currently unfolding, Prof. Pavelea gave us five essential tips for navigating this period with compassion for those in need, but also for ourselves:
1. Getting information from reliable and accurate sources
We can choose to get our information from reliable sources, to critically analyze the news, to seek diverse sources of information, but at the same time to expose ourselves to it in a measured way. Cognitive-behavioral psychologists recommend thinking flexibly, increasing frustration tolerance, avoiding global judgments and catastrophizing.
The WHO (World Health Organization) has developed a guide for stressful times, recommending a number of techniques to reduce stress, such as: grounding in the present, detachment, self-compassion and empathy, cultivating values and positive emotions. We also note the articles posted on social media by some of the important voices of psychology in Romania(Mircea Miclea, Daniel David, Mara Bria), just to mention a few useful resources.
2. Providing support to refugees (as far as we succeed)
Because of the war, countless people who until yesterday had a normal life have to start afresh, and we have an unwritten duty to help them, to the extent that we each succeed. A first way to help is to distribute useful information, such as: where to donate, where to find shelters, who is hosting people for free, where to get information about registering children or adults in Romania, where to find jobs, etc. Secondly, we can directly support the initiatives and non-governmental organizations that have been involved in these last weeks with donations, our own time (volunteering), accommodation, food for refugees. Some of these initiatives are: Refugees.ro, DOPOMOHA, UNITED FOR UKRAINE, UNICEF Romania, SOS Children’s Villages Romania, Peace Action Training and Research Institute of Romania (PATRIR), Romanian Red Cross Cluj, Save the Children Suceava Branch, Beard Brothers. So let’s turn to each other and show humanity, kindness, understanding, in the hope that together we can move mountains!
3. Discussing concerns with loved ones and seeking social support
If we have concerns, we can discuss them with our loved ones. We can turn to parents, older siblings, school counselors or teachers. We can talk to our grandparents who have gone through similar moments (such as the two world wars or the December 1989 Revolution), and this dialogue can be turned into a way to get closer to our loved ones, empathize with their experience and reflect on the different situations we are going through. Every obstacle in life comes with personal lessons.
4. Pracitsing self-care and pursuing personal projects
Caring for others often starts with caring for ourselves. We can start by paying more attention to our needs. We can do this by sticking to daily routines, staying on schedule, pursuing relevant personal projects and setting realistic goals. In difficult times, we need as much stability in our lives as possible. If we force the mind to think about the future with realistic optimism and set ourselves a clear set of goals, then we secure the action steps to get where we want to go. We need to take each day as it comes and move in a positive direction. This way, we will feel that this period is more bearable and the pressure will ease.
5. Cultivating self-discipline, positive values and emotions
Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, advises us to focus on our strengths, the character traits that give us strength in difficult times. Self-discipline, even in relation to the quantity and quality of the information we are exposed to, can make the difference between navigating this period with less stress and with the hope that things will get better if each of us does what we can to help remedy these situations.
Now is the time to dig deep within ourselves and identify those cardinal values by which we guide our lives. By starting with the things we consider important, we can find ways to help others, to show solidarity by helping each other with the little we can contribute, to reduce inequality, to develop ourselves and to make the world a better place for us and for future generations.
Drawing a final line, the difficult times we go through have a major influence on both our body and our psyche. The words of the rector of the Babeș-Bolyai University, Daniel David, in the article published by Edupedu, leave a significant imprint both on this article and on our inner balance. He advises to behave as normal as possible, to engage as much as possible in an authentic life, but to also monitor the war situation, engaging appropriately and adapting to the situation with a rational dose of realistic optimism!
