As I write these first lines, it is the 33rd day since Russia declared war on Ukraine. Neutrality talks are in a new round in Istanbul. The prognosis does not look good for the two warring countries or for the rest of the world. These are trying times, which have brought to the surface many latent conflicts and raised questions about our own security, because no one has prepared us for them. The events seem straight out of the history books: first the COVID-19 pandemic robbed us of normality for more than two years, and then the war came last.
The upheaval of normality and reinvention in a time of uncertainty prompted me to ask three high school students how they felt the impact of the war. Following discussions with them, we have developed a guide for emotional behavior in uncertain situations, drawing on the expertise of Prof. Lect. Dr. Anișoara Pavelea from Babeș-Bolyai University, Cluj-Napoca.
The first high school student confessed: “I feel embarrassed that I can’t go to help refugees because I have to stay at home, finish my homework for tutoring, or because I can’t afford to be absent from school. It’s embarrassing and frustrating and I feel powerless. Sometimes I’m in a trance watching clips that don’t make the news, and are uncensored. The negative effect that mass information can have is incomparable to the disaster caused by the war in Ukraine, but it can still affect us all. It can desensitize you and over time you can become indifferent.”
The second one told us: “Given the current situations, each has had a different influence on me and made me notice some things. On the one hand, negative things happened to me, and on the other hand, I evolved as a person. The pandemic came with both good and bad. I had the opportunity to spend more time with my family and focus more on the things I like, but I ended up not wanting to communicate with friends as much, closing myself off, and developing an eating disorder. And the war situation, which unfortunately is happening right now, made me realise how fragile life is and made me believe that I too can help, at least a little, either through volunteering or through donations.”
And the last one highlighted: “Although I am not in Ukraine, I must admit that I felt a closeness, a danger, a state of unease at the thought that all humanity could be in danger at any moment. In the first days of the war, I often watched the news and every new piece of news shook me: a new house bombed, hundreds more innocent deaths, families separated… After hearing about the nuclear threats, I became more restless, as if tomorrow was no longer certain. Now, it seems quieter here, but I feel somewhat guilty because we are carrying on with our lives, while the people across the border are living this nightmare.”
After seeing their perspectives and anxieties, I realised that things seemed to change in a fraction of a second, so abruptly that we didn’t have time to pause and look beyond the wall of the question, “Am I truly well?”. The new events hit us when we were most vulnerable and led us to ask ourselves numerous questions: “How should I feel in this context?”, “How could I act or help those in need?”, “How could I cope with feelings of insecurity and uncertainty?” or “How could I be kinder to myself and those around me during this period?”.
We tried to answer these questions with the help of Professor Pavelea’s experience. The thread of the discussion started from the war that shook not only the European continent but also the entire world. Ms Pavelea mentioned that the military operation in Ukraine has been intensely disseminated by mass media in the last month. This context, corroborated with the negative psychological effects of the pandemic, has amplified extremely diverse emotions in each of us: fear, anger, confusion, anxiety, sadness. Being witnesses to these extreme actions, it is natural to face multiple sources of concern regarding the future, our safety and that of our loved ones, financial stability, and health. Also, uncertainty and the perception of a lack of control are accentuated. Thus, we can no longer concentrate, we become restless, we feel exhausted, emotionally drained, we blame ourselves or compare ourselves to others, we experience changes in appetite or sleep problems. Even if we do not yet know the outcome of the events, Ms Pavelea offered us five essential tips to navigate this period with compassion for those in need, but also for ourselves:
1. Information from reliable and accurate sources
We can choose to get information from reliable sources, critically analyse the news, seek diverse sources of information, but at the same time expose ourselves to them in moderation. Cognitive-behavioural psychologists recommend flexible thinking, increasing tolerance to frustration, avoiding global evaluations, and catastrophising.
The WHO (World Health Organisation) has developed a guide for stressful periods, in which it recommends a series of techniques to reduce stress, such as: anchoring in the present, detachment, self-compassion and empathy, cultivating values and positive emotions. We also note the articles posted on social media by some of the important voices of current psychology in Romania (Mircea Miclea, Daniel David, Mara Bria), just to mention a few useful resources.
2. Providing support to refugees (to the extent we can)
Because of the war, countless people who until yesterday had a normal life are forced to start over, and we have an unwritten duty to help them, to the extent that each of us can. A primary way to help is to share useful information, such as: where we can donate, find shelters, who hosts people for free, where we can request information about the enrolment of children or adults in Romania, where we can find jobs, etc. Secondly, we can directly support initiatives and non-governmental organisations that have been involved in recent weeks with donations, our own time (volunteering), accommodation, food for refugees. Some of these initiatives are: Refugees.ro, DOPOMOHA, UNIȚI PENTRU UCRAINA, UNICEF Romania, SOS Satele Copiilor Romania, Peace Action Training and Research Institute of Romania (PATRIR), Crucea Roșie Română Cluj, Salvati Copiii Filiala Suceava, Beard Brothers. Therefore, let us turn to others and show humanity, kindness, understanding, with the hope that together we can move mountains!
3. Discussing concerns with loved ones and seeking social support
If we have concerns, we can discuss them with our loved ones. We can turn to parents, older siblings, school counsellors, or teachers. We can talk to our grandparents who have gone through similar moments (such as the two world wars or the December 1989 Revolution), and this dialogue can be transformed into a way to get closer to our loved ones, to empathise with their experience and reflect on the diverse situations we are going through. Every obstacle in life comes with personal lessons.
4. Self-care and continuing personal projects
Caring for others often begins with taking care of ourselves. We can start by being more attentive to our needs. We can do this by maintaining daily routines, schedules, by continuing relevant personal projects and setting realistic goals. In difficult periods, we need as much stability in our lives as possible. If we force our minds to think about the future with realistic optimism and set a series of clear goals, then we ensure our action steps to get where we intend. We must take each day as it comes and move in a positive direction. Thus, we will feel that this period is more bearable, and the pressure will diminish.
5. Cultivating self-discipline, values, and positive emotions
Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, recommends that we focus on our strengths, on the character traits that empower us in difficult moments. Self-discipline, even in relation to the quantity and quality of information we expose ourselves to, can make the difference between navigating this period with less stress and with the hope that things will improve if each of us contributes as much as they can to remedying these situations.
Now is the time to look deep into our souls and identify those cardinal values by which we guide our lives. Starting from the things we consider important, we can find ways to help others, to be supportive, each of us contributing what little we can, to reduce inequalities, to develop ourselves and to make the world a better place for us and for future generations.
Drawing a final line, the difficult periods we are going through have a major influence on both our body and our psyche. The words of the Rector of Babeș-Bolyai University, Daniel David, from the article published by Edupedu, leave a significant imprint on both this article and our inner balance. He recommends that we behave as normally as possible, engage as much as possible in an authentic life, but monitoring the war situation, getting adequately involved and adapting to the situation with a rational dose of realistic optimism!
